CLANNAD: Book 2: Ushio
by Choco Scorpion Bat
Summary: Sequel to "Summer Dreams". Nagisa and Tomoya are married, but will their happiness last? Follow Tomoya's story as his new life begins, now with a baby girl in tow...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, so I hope this was worth the wait. I worked really hard on this sequel, starting immediately after I finished **_**Summer Dreams**_**. If you read the bulletin on my author page, you will know that this sequel follows the **_**-After Story- **_**and the movie arc. I will also be throwing in my own additions, going beyond the final episode with Ushio, and into her high school life. You can expect a sequel for this one as well. Anyway, read on, mi amigos!**

**I would like to sincerely thank the following authors for their encouragement and contributions to the making of this epic, and those who have helped me right from the start:**

**RubyDracoGirl: I can't possibly thank you enough for all the support and encouragement you have shown me over the last year and a month. It is because of you that I have been able to reach this level of writing. It is because of you that I have the confidence to continue writing my stories. You have been able to brighten my days when I am down, and I hope you continue to be there to encourage me even more. You helped me in numerous ways and then some. I am glad to have discovered your writing, and am even gladder to have you as a riend and supporter, through the thick and thin. Everybody who reads this needs to read her stories. They are massively epic.**

**Air1997: Thanks for the reviews you posted on my Clannad fictions. They cheered me up and made me realize that I had a story to finish, and a sequel to write! Thanks so much, and I hope you continue to write some more stories. I look forward to reading your upcoming Clannad stories! Everybody who reads this needs to read **_**Time After Time**_**. **

**Erybis: Thanks for your awesome review on **_**Summer Dreams**_**. It means a lot to me. Everybody who reads this needs to read **_**Monster's Tale**_**. It is a truly epic piece of work.**

**You can find the first installment (**_**Summer Dreams**_**) here: .net/s/7863074/1/CLANNAD_Summer_Dreams**

**And now, the first chapter:**

**CLANNAD**

**-8-8-8-**

**-BOOK 2-**

**-8-8-8-**

**-USHIO-**

**-8-8-8-**

**PART 1**

**-8-8-8-**

**NAGISA**

**-8-8-8-**

**CHAPTER 1**

Nagisa and I sat on a log by the ocean, letting a gentle breeze play with our flesh. Nagisa was married to me, Tomoya Okazaki, who should've been in jail by now, simply for existing. I had not expected her to say yes after I proposed. Now, she was pregnant.

"Have you thought of a name?" I asked.

"Ushio!" she said cheerfully. I nodded in approval.

"Ushio. Interesting."

Nagisa looked up at me and smiled sweetly. I smiled back.

"Well, if we took a character from our names, it would end up sounding weird, like 'Nagisaki', or something like that! Besides, he or she will already have a beautiful last name! Okazaki!"

She smiled again, and picked up a stick. She began to write something in the sand. I watched. It was her name. Under it, she wrote my name. Under that, she wrote our unborn baby's name. Finally, she put "Okazaki" next to all of our names. I watched as she carefully wrote the kanji script in the moist sand. Nagisa held the stick in her hands and examined her handiwork.

"Why 'Ushio'?" I asked.

"'Nagisa' means 'shore', right? Well 'Ushio' means 'tide'. The shore must stay in place, whereas the tide can go anywhere in the ocean. The tide is strong, powerful. Our baby will not be weak, like her mother, but will have a strong heart, like her daddy," she explained, watching the waves the crash onto the shoreline. I smiled.

"Plus, 'Ushio' can be for both boys or girls, so it works out either way!"

I laughed at her enthusiasm.

"It fits," I said.

Nagisa looked at me, gazing into my eyes.

"We never went to the beach, did we?" she asked, slightly disappointed.

"Then we will go to the beach when Ushio is old enough to enjoy it! Just us three," I said. Nagisa beamed.

"That'd be nice!" she said. She rested her head on my shoulder, as we watched the sun sink lower into the horizon.

-8-8-8-

The next morning, I awakened to the smell of cooking food. Fish. I sat up, yawning. Fifteen minutes later, I was dressed in my grey jumpsuit and sitting at our tiny table. Nagisa sat before me, looking especially happy. I couldn't help but smile, too.

"What are you so flashy about today?" I asked, grinning broadly.

"I felt Ushio move today!" Nagisa reported, patting her tummy. My chopsticks paused.

"Really? That's great!"

"I wonder if Ushio can hear, yet? I sing Dango Daikazoku at night."

I chuckled. Nagisa would brighten anyone's day. I finished eating and headed out. Nagisa watched from the balcony of our apartment. She waved. I was off!

-8-8-8-

**Okay, that was Chapter 1. I know it was short, and I apologize, but I don't want to give anything away. The future chapters will be longer, I promise! Anyway, I greatly appreciate reviews, and constructive critism is welcome. Flames will be used to roast weinies on the grill.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Chapter 2! Thanks to RubyDracoGirl and Air1997 for their reviews! Hope you guyz (put the 'z' on purpose) love this one as well!**

**CLANNAD**

**-8-8-8-**

**-BOOK 2-**

**-8-8-8-**

**-USHIO-**

**-8-8-8-**

**PART 1**

**-8-8-8-**

**NAGISA**

**-8-8-8-**

**CHAPTER 2**

Saito Electric provided power for the whole town. I worked full time just to provide for myself and Nagisa. We would eventually have a child with us. I always wondered how that would work out. It worked out too well.

My pay just barely let us stay in our apartment. Nagisa had a job as a waitress at a family diner known as Ernesto Host. During my days off, Sunohara and I would go just to harrass her. We could care less about the food, we just wanted to watch her do what she loved: helping others and having fun doing it. Her pink waitress uniform added to the excitement. Some customers came just to stare at the girls. After Nagisa reached her seventh month, she had to quit her job.

Now it was just me. Work was murder on me. It was dangerous; one mistake could take the power from the whole city, cause a serious injury, or kill an innocent bystander. It's heavy work. But, somehow, I always manage to make it through another workday without hurting myself or Yoshino.

Yoshino was the one who convinced me to take on the job. It's brutal work, but it pays the rent. I know Nagisa fears for me every time I leave for work. I don't blame her one bit. I was almost injured several times already. I go home, aching in places I never even knew I had. I drop my bags by the door (and sometimes myself, if I'm too weak) and sink into blissful sleep.

It was a quarter into her seventh month that the nightmares began. Nightmares. Visions. Hallucinations. Call them whatever you will. They were all the same to me. Satanic images of death and despair crossed over my vision. It became impossible for me to seperate the real world from the dream plane. I would break out in a cold sweat, my clothing drenched, in the middle of the night. I didn't dare tell Nagisa about the dreams.

No! Not dreams. Dreams was a title reserved for joyful and exciting things. These...these were monstrous aberration, conjured up from the darkest parts of my soul. These black thoughts were the solid forms of my worst fears. I could only pray that they were never realized. I could never tell Nagisa that...that these nightmares...

...They were about her...And Ushio.

My precious Nagisa. My precious Ushio.

I managed to slow my heartbeat, and turned my head to gaze at Nagisa. She looked at peace in her deep slumber. I was sure that she never had any black dreams about death and despair. She probably dreamed about the Dango Family. I sighed and got up. A shower should calm my thoughts some.

Minutes later, the hot water was streaming down my bak, searing my flesh. My abdomen contorted in convulsions, an automatic response to the touch of far too hot water, too hot for any physical comfort, but I didn't care. I was prepared to do anything to get those unholy images of death out of my head. If scalding water and physical pain were what it took, then so be it! My flesh screamed at me to turn the water off, but I steeled myself, ignoring the pain.

I'd felt worse, growing up with mental scars from a father who just didn't care...

My flesh became red and swollen from engorged vessels and felt raw. It was tender to the touch. The images of Nagisa did not leave my mind's eye.

Nagisa. Ushio. Dying.

Dying in childbirth.

I groaned in pain and misery. I suddenly felt like Anakin Skywalker in _Star Wars_, dreaming of my beloved's death. A tear squeezed its way out of my eye. The images finally subsided, and I turned the water off. I stood there, dripping, and stared at myself in the mirror. I wiped my hand across the fogged glass, to reveal a man aged beyond his years in my place. His eyes were sunken from worry and malnutrition had taken its toll on his flesh. His skin was grey from little sunlight, and his hair was mussed and brittle. Stubble peppered his chin. The spectre spoke.

"Who do you think you are?"

I stumbled backwards. What? What was this?

"W-What?" I stammered. The spectre scowled and repeated himself.

"Who do you think you are?"

I stared, unsure of what to say.

"I-"

"HOW DARE YOU!" the sickly image roared. "How dare you have these thoughts! These dreams! Are you incompetent?"

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. Was I? What was going on? Was I at war with myself?

"You make me sick!" the spectre growled. I gulped at the malice in his voice. I made myself pretty sick, too.

"Uh, who-who are you?" I asked.

"Do you really not know?" he said. "Look inside yourself. Find all the pain, hurt, hatred, anger, depression, venom, rage, heartache, reclusiveness, unadulturated fury, and you will know who I am!" he hissed. I paled.

Good God! I was talking to my dark side! I opened my mouth again, but this time, a terrified squeak made its way out.

"How can you possibly have thoughts like thse about the woman you love? You are better than this!"

"I-I-I-I don't know!" I stammered. "I don't know how to stop them! I don't know how!"

"Then God help you, Tomoya Okazaki!" hissed the spectre as he vanished. "You will learn the true meaning of rage and pain soon enough! You think you have experienced the ultimate hurt? Think again!"

I stared in shocked silence at the mirror. I fell to my hands and knees in my white towel, and proceeded to sob. Ultimate hurt. He couldn't possibly mean...

"Nagisa!" I moaned. Surely! Who could be so cruel as to steal my one true joy?

I would find out later on just how little I truly knew about pain...

**A/N: Pretty heavy stuff, huh?**

**The ragged spectral image in the mirror is Tomoya Okazaki's embodiment of all the emotional pain and rage he has bottled up over the years.**

**R & R, please. Flames will be bottled up for a cold, rainy day.**

-8-8-8-

**Okay, that was Chapter 1. I know it was short, and I apologize, but I don't want to give anything away. The future chapters will be longer, I promise! Anyway, I greatly appreciate reviews, and constructive critism is welcome. Flames will be used to roast weinies on the grill.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you all for the reviews and reading this, even if you didn't read it. Sorry for the wait, but I couldn't stop writing, lol. I got to Part 3, and Chapter 10 before I reached a block in my epicness. lolz. Anyway, here is Chapter 3.**

**CLANNAD**

**-8-8-8-**

**-BOOK 2-**

**-8-8-8-**

**-USHIO-**

**-8-8-8-**

**PART 1**

**-8-8-8-**

**NAGISA**

**-8-8-8-**

**CHAPTER 3**

After the incident in the bathroom, the dreams began to subside (?). You would think that they would get worse, but, for some reason, knowing at last why I had them made it easier to push them away. They still happened, but less frequently than before. I was finally able to enjoy life again.

Until Nagisa fell ill. It happened in the waning months of her pregnancy. Sanae told me this might happen. She was right. We worried about her and the health of the baby.

I quit my job to care for Nagisa and my unborn child. I did the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, while Nagisa lay there, burning up. My thoughts constantly wandered. Every hacking cough tore up my nerves. As the winter months approached, Nagisa's health gradually returned. I took up my former post at Saito Electric, no longer having to care for an ailing Nagisa.

I decided to have an early Christmas bash/birthday party for Nagisa on the 16th, as her birthday occurred on December 24th, and people would be busy. I gave Sunohara a call.

"Wassup?" came from the other end.

"Sunohara," I said. 3...2...1...

"Who is this?" he said. I smirked. Just like I thought. He didn't remember. Time for the punishment.

"It's your boss. We've decided to let you go, as your driving skills are to horrible, Godzilla would not dare step in the roads!" I covered the mouthpiece and howled in laughter as Sunohara begged and cried for forgiveness. Then, it was silent.

"Sunohara?" I asked.

"What?"

"It's me, Okazaki."

"Oka-Okazaki? Why would you do that?"

"Because, I find it to be quite the riot."

"Ha ha! It was so funny, I split my pants laughing!" Sunohaha said sarcastically.

"Whatever. We're having a Christmas get together at my apartment on the 16th. Think you can make it?" I said.

"I-I don't know. I'll see what I can do," Sunohara replied.

"Great. See you then." I put the phone on the hook, and sighed. Sunohara. One of the world's biggest idiots. But, the world would be boring without him. I chuckled slightly.

It had been almost a year since he moved to Tokyo. Had he really forgotten me in such a short time? I wondered how everyone was doing. I ran into Kyou and Ryou at times, but not a lot. What about Kotomi? And Tomoyo? I wondered how Yukine was doing. I dialed Kyou's number and told her about the bash. She said she'd tell Ryou about it, and that she'd be there. I thanked her and called Tomoyo next. She said to count on her being there. I was about to call Kotomi, and remembered that she transferred overseas to continue her parents' research on alternate realities. I sighed and placed the phone on the hook. Phew. Now, if I could just get off work...

"Sure!" Yoshino said, after I laid the question on him. I stared, grateful and confused at the same time. He noticed.

"We don't have work that day, anyway!" he said, probably cheerful. I could never tell, with his emotionless face.

"Uh...thanks," I said, unbuckling. We had reached the company's office.

"Don't mention it," Yoshino said. "Later."

I waved and sauntered home.

Before I knew it, the 16th had arrived. It was a freezing day, yet there was no snow. I rushed home, eager to get away from the bite of the cold air. I fumbled with the key, trying to get it into the hole. I was just about to when Nagisa opened the door. I rushed in, giving her a kiss.

"God, it's freezing!" I exclaimed. Nagisa giggled and wrapped her arms around my neck. I pulled her closer.

"How's Ushio?" I crooned.

"I felt a kick today!" she said cheerfully.

I put my hands on her belly, and she covered them with hers.

"Ushio's been moving a lot, lately," she said. There was a slight edge to her voice. "Do you think?..."

She trailed off. I knew what she was thinking. I didn't like it.

"Don't think about that. We have guests coming this afternoon."

Nagisa's eyes lit up.

"Then we'd better prepare!" she said, breaking free of my hug. I watched as she bustled around, cleaning, cooking, and cleaning again. A smile tugged at my mouth as I helped. Several hours later, our apartment finally looked presentable. And just in time, too. The doorbell rang. Nagisa followed me to the door. I opened it to find Sunohara, hair dyed black.

"Who the hell are you?" I said, knowing full well that drove him insane. He flared, playing directly into my hands. I somehow managed to keep a straight face.

"Okazaki! That wasn't funny the first time, it isn't funny now!"

I smirked. "I beg to differ."

He then noticed Nagisa's stomach, and a grin broke out.

"Oooh! Nagisa, you're big!" he said. I scowled and Nagisa grinned, rubbing her belly.

"Yeah! I am!"

He tried to poke, not noticing Tomoyo and Kyou behind him, followed by Ryou and Kotomi. Wait.

I did a double-take. Kotomi! She was supposed to be in America! Tomoyo smacked Sunohara in the head when he tried to poke Nagisa's stomach.

"Show some self control for once!" she growled. Nagisa giggled again. Tomoyo looked at her.

"Happy New Year and Merry Christmas!" she said. She looked at Nagisa's swelling belly.

"Wow, Nagisa! You _are _getting big!"

She held out her hand.

"Mind if I...?" she asked. I sighed. What a contradictory girl. Nagisa shook her head and Tomoyo placed her hand on Nagisa's womb. She gaped when the baby obviously kicked. Sunohara bounced.

"Me next! Me next!"

Kyou punched him.

"Would you shut up, already?"

I led everybody inside and locked the door.

"How are you guys doing?" Nagisa asked. Sunohara scowled.

"My job sucks, but it's all I can do right now."

Kyou gave a grin. "I'm pretty good, and Ryou here got promoted to head nurse!"

Ryou blushed when we congradulated her.

"I-It's nothing!" she insisted.

"What about you, Kotomi?" Tomoyo asked. "How are things in America?"

"Isn't that where California is?" Sunohara asked. I sighed deeply.

"Yes!" I said.

"Well, we're much closer to connecting with the parallel dimensions than before! but, we still have much more to do," Kotomi said proudly. She launched into this complicated explanation that I'm not even going to delve into. I held Nagisa close to me. She gazed at me and smiled. I smiled back. If only this moment could have lasted forever.

It didn't.

Nothing did.

Not even happiness.

Especially not mine.

Especially...not mine.

**A/N: Loved? Hated? Liked? Tell me! Chapter 4 up soon enough!**

**R & R, please. Flames will be bottled up for a cold, rainy day.**

-8-8-8-


	4. Chapter 4: The Birth of Ushio

**A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't updated this one in so long. Here's Chapter 4. Also, I'm doing away with the huge title before the story.**

**Disclaimer: Pretty please?**

**CLANNAD**

**-BOOK 2-**

**-USHIO-**

**PART 1**

**NAGISA**

**CHAPTER 4**

**The Birth of Ushio**

The party lasted for a good while. It was late when everybody left. Really late. I locked the door behind Sunohara and turned to face Nagisa. Her face was flushed.

"Well?" I said. She grinned broadly.

"Thank you!" she said. I walked over to her and pulled her close. I kissed her gently. She returned the kiss.

"Merry Christmas," I whispered. She smiled.

"How'd you know I wanted to see them?" she asked.

"It was pretty obvious," I said. She grinned. I pulled her to the room. "It's getting really late."

Nagisa checked the clock. It read 2:43 AM.

"You're right," she said. I laughed when she suddenly gave a huge yawn.

-8-8-8-

The next day, Nagisa's fever returned, hitting its peak almost immediately. She wouldn't show it, but I knew she was in intense pain. When I put my hand on her forehead, I had to retract it quickly; it was that hot. I hated to see her like this. She was only worried about the baby. Sanae called me that afternoon.

"Hello?" I said.

"Tomoya, meet me at Ernesto Host," Sanae said.

"O-Okay," I replied, slightly confused. Okay, Sanae, whatever floats your boat. I hung up and went to our room.

"I'm going out for a while, Nagisa. I don't know when I'll be back," I said. Nagisa gazed up at me and smiled.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine!" she said. I gazed a moment and nodded, grabbing my jacket. I looked over my shoulder once more and head out to meet Sanae.

I didn't like what she told me. I take that back. I was shocked beyond recognition.

"W-What?" I said.

Sanae gazed at me, unmoving.

"The doctors said she and the baby may die during the birthing. It might be wise to consider a hospital birth. It's safer than a home birth."

I stared at Nagisa's mother.

"She wants a home birth."

Sanae smiled sadly.

"I figured as much. When Nagisa was born, they took her away from me as soon as she was out. I never even got to hold her until they deemed it was okay. Of course, Akio got the first lick!" she finished happily.

What a weird family. I sighed deeply and ran a hand through my unusual blue hair.

"This really blows," I muttered. "I guess, if it means Nagisa has a greater chance of survival, we could go with the hospital."

I sat up straight. "Did the doctor…"

Sanae shook her head. "They still don't know. They think it's her illness and the fact that she was never really strong to begin with. The strain could kill her… if she brings the baby to term."

I stared. Was she…"

I stood up, suddenly furious. Sanae blanched.

"NO! We want this baby, Sanae!"

"T-Tomoya! I wasn't suggesting… No! Never!"

I calmed down. Of course. Sanae would never suggest an abortion. I took a breath.

"I'm sorry. It's just… all this stress."

Sanae put a hand on mine.

"It's okay, Tomoya. We're here for you. All the way."

I smiled.

"We're family, after all!" she said.

Family. After all these years, I finally had a family. It seemed foreign to me, having practically grown up all by myself. It made me feel warm inside.

I… finally had a family!

-8-8-8-

I ran as fast as I could. Nagisa. She was the only one on my mind. Please, for the love of God, please be okay! I dashed up the stairs, breathing deeply. It was the 24th of December. I had received a call from Nagisa's parents. It was an emergency. Apparently, she had gone into labor. It was two weeks too early.

I stormed in, snow blowing in behind me. I slammed the door shut and ran to Nagisa's side. She was sweating profusely, and her face was flushed.

"Nagisa!" I breathed. "Take it easy! Everything's going to be fine!"

"Tomoya?" she breathed. "You're here?"

I smiled.

"Of course. I couldn't let you go into labor without me by your side!"

She tried to smile, but it came as a sharp grimace as another contraction happened. Akio paced, his cell phone gripped tightly.

"CRAP! All the roads are closed!"

He threw the phone at the wall in a fit of rage, where it shattered. Sanae held his hand.

"Calm down! This isn't getting us anywhere! Yagi will be here soon!"

Nagisa grabbed my hand and gave it a tremendous squeeze as another contraction racked her body. I opened my mouth and hissed in pain, my fingers being crushed. I pushed it back, watching Nagisa. I'd always heard that childbirth was painful, but that was a lie. As I watched Nagisa, I came to a new conclusion: It was pure hell.

My fingers went numb, and I relaxed, but only just. I stroked Nagisa's face, and she gazed at me, intense pain etched on her features.

"It'll be okay! You're doing great," I crooned. She smiled through half-lidded eyes as yet another contraction came. She gasped in pain and clutched the fouton. Her eyes rolled and her back arched. Sanae paced now.

"Where is Yagi?!"

As if on cue, Yagi burst into the room, heading straight for Nagisa.

"Akio, go fetch some towels. Sanae, go fill a bowl with hot water."

"R-Right!" Akio and Sanae said.

They did as they were told, and she knelt over Nagisa's body.

"You. Keep doing what you've been doing. Encourage her. She'll need it now more than ever."

"O-Okay," I said. Nagisa gasped in pain, and her eyes rolled again. I gently stroked her face.

"Nagisa, keep going! You're doing fine!" I said. Truth be told, she looked horrible right now, but like I was about to tell my wife that! I kept stroking her face, encouraging her.

Hours passed. I was in a daze. Nagisa lost consciousness over and over again; waking up and passing out because of the pain. It was cruel to watch. I wanted to cover my eyes and hide. It stretched on and on with no end in sight. I lost track of time. It felt like an eternity. I was so close to passing out myself. After a while, I felt like my heart couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I had run out of hope. The screams brought me back to reality. I looked down. Nagisa was silent. Her eyes were closed. She seemed to be asleep. So, the screams didn't come from her. My eyes rose to Yagi, who handed me Ushio. She smiled.

"Congratulations. It's a girl."

I tenderly held my baby in my arms. She continued crying. She was the most beautiful thing in the world. She had striking red hair, like Nagisa. I couldn't tell what color her eyes were, as they were tightly shut. I never knew this much love was possible. Pride swelled inside me for Nagisa. I looked at Nagisa.

"Nagisa? Nagisa? Nagisa? Nagisa!"

Nagisa looked at me. "Tomoya?" she said weakly.

"She's here! Nagisa! She's...She's right here!" I said, excitedly.

Nagisa looked at Ushio.

"You can hear her, right? That's our baby. That's our baby crying. Here, look." I showed her to Nagisa. "I got to hold her before anyone else. See?"

Nagisa smiled weakly.

"Oh yeah… She turned out so cute…"

I looked at Ushio, so much love flowing out of me for our little girl.

"This is our little baby, Nagisa. It's our little Ushio."

Nagisa looked up, a small smile on her face.

"Hey there, Shio."

"It's a girl! She's as healthy as can be!"

"Yeah...I'm so glad we could have her here at home with you Tomoya...I'm sorry I had to make Shio work so hard for it, but at least we're all together..."

I laughed slightly. "You did a great job. I mean it."

Nagisa sighed. "I'm sorry… I feel a little tired… Could you let me rest? Just for a minute?"

Sanae looked at Nagisa in worry.

"Nagisa?!"

I looked at Sanae, then back to Nagisa, feeling a slight twinge of fear.

"Nagisa...Wait, Nagisa, not yet...Come on, let's talk, just...just for a little bit, okay? You don't have to say anything. Just listen."

She didn't answer me.

"Come on, you have to look at our baby...She looks like a cute little monkey, doesn't she? See? She's so tiny...Here, I'm gonna call her name, okay? Ushio. Hey, it's Daddy. Ushio? This is Mommy, see? Look at her, see?"

Ushio waved her arms, not liking this. I laughed slightly.

"She's ignoring me. I guess she doesn't understand her name yet…"

Nagisa finally looked at me. I chuckled slightly again.

"I bet she'll grow up before we know it. She'll be starting school. We'll have to go clothes shopping with her. We'll have open house and school festivals to go to. We'll do it all as a family. Even though...Even though I used to make fun of that stuff when I was growing up..."

Once again, Nagisa didn't answer me.

"Nagisa?"

Her arm fell out of my hand. I gasped, surprised at how limp it was. Was she really so weak?

"Nagisa?"

I picked up her hand and placed it on Ushio's cheek.

"Here, it's Ushio's cheek! Come on… hey…"

Her hand fell again. Fear tugged at my heart. Nagisa...You told me you'd always be by my side...You said we'd always be together...You promised me that, remember?...Over and over again...We both promised...That was my only dream...Nothing good ever happened to me until I met you...I thought I had a crappy life...But even someone useless like me finally found something to live for...Right, Nagisa? R-Right? Nagisa...

I remembered our time together. When we had lunch. When we were trying to restore the drama club. When we walked home from school together. When we first met…. All those years ago…. On the cherry blossom hill….

"_Do you like this school? I have to say that I love it very, very much. But soon, everything changes...Well, at least it does eventually. Fun things...Happy things...They'll all...They'll all eventually change someday, you know? But...Do you think you can still love this place anyway?" she said._

_I did not call out to her. We never should have met...We should have just kept going down our separate paths...We never would have gone out...We never would have gotten married...And...And Ushio would have never been born...Then...At least...I wouldn't have to go through so much suffering...We never should have met..._

"NAGISA!"


	5. PART 2: TOMOYA

**Special Author's Note: This is a very special author's note and an apology from the bottom of my heart to all my faithful readers. I realize it has been nearly two years since my last update to Clannad: Book 2, and I give my very deepest apologies to all of you who kept up with the series. **

**Now that I have returned to the mix of things, expect regular updates every day if possible, or weekly if things don't work out as planned. Just please be patient, as Book 2 was and is, a very large project to handle. I know that the web pages make the chapters look smaller than they are, but on paper, I have over one hundred pages written. It is a very daunting task to transcribe the written word to text format.**

**And so, without further adue, Tomoya's arc begins...**

PART 2

-8-8-8-

Tomoya

Chapter 5

Three Years Later

What is my purpose? It's been three years since Nagisa died. I go through life, day after day. I do the same things, day after day. I work, go home, eat and sleep. I try not to look at the empty fouton next to mine. There is a void in my heart that cannot be filled. A part of me was brutally torn away. A part of me died along with her that night. I no longer speak. Ever. Not unless I have to.

I only keep on living because it is too much trouble to die.

I have considered suicide, but my beliefs deem that a mortal sin.

I am trapped in my black and white world, devoid of happiness and joy.

Without my Nagisa, what is my purpose?

I have sunk into a bottomless pit of despair and depression. My world is dark and unforgiving, relentless in its torments. It was a few weeks after Nagisa's death that I realized...

The nightmares... they had stopped. Two months later, they returned.

Black dreams. Horrible visions of despair. Nothingness. Sorrow. Death. Disturbing images of pain and suffering.

I felt like I had lost my sanity.

I drank away my pain. I risked alcohol poisoning. Better to kill myself indirectly than commit outright suicide. I knew my friends worried.

I didn't care anymore.

Why couldn't they get a move on instead of just troubling me? I ignored them. They eventually left, always to return.

Three years after Nagisa's death, I just don't care anymore. I am already dead. Why am I still here? I asked myself that everyday. Because I didn't have the guts to kill myself?

No.

Because I was too scared to run?

Possibly.

Was something holding me back?

Maybe.

What? I had no answer.

"Why am I here?" I mumbled. My speech was slurred.

"Why?!" I shouted. Everybody in the bar jumped. I hunched over, not caring that they stared. Go ahead, stare all you want. The bartender took my shot glass and cleaned it.

"More," I demanded. She shook her head.

"You'll get alcohol poisoning."

I scowled and she smiled. How dare she smile. What was to smile about?

"What?" I said.

"You look like somebody I used to attend school with," she replied, cleaning another glass.

"Oh yeah? What school?"

"Hikarisaka Private High," she answered. I raised an eyebrow.

"Who'd you go with?"

"Tomoya Okazaki," she replied.

"T-Tomoya... Oka-Okazaki?" I whispered. I looked at the woman before me. There was no mistake.

"Y-Yukine? Yukine M-Miyazawa?"

She paused.

"How... Tomoya? Is that you?"

Yukine set the glass down and leaned forward, gazing at me.

"What do you care? I'm just another drunk in your bar," I mumbled. Yukine gazed at me, sadness in her eyes.

"No, you're my friend," she said. "Tell me what happened."

I looked at the polished wood bar. "No."

Yukine backed off.

"I respect that. Just... just don't hurt yourself," she said as I walked out. I stopped.

"Whatever."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you for the new reviews on my update! A word of warning: the following chapters will be dealing with heavy content, so unless you are sure that you can handle such subjects, I advise you to stop reading as of now.**

Chapter 8

The doorbell rang, jarring me from my sleep. I groaned and sat up, clutching my throbbing temple. The doorbell rang again. Sunlight filtered in through the curtains. It rang again.

"Shut up!" I muttered. I had a terrible headache. Hangover. I got dressed and cleaned up the empty sake bottles and trash.

I opened the door to find Sanae and Akio there. I knew who was behind them. I had tried to tell them not to bring her here. Do they listen? Of course not. I caused me great pain to think about the sacrifice required so she could live.

I sighed and moved so Ushio could come in.

"Go away," I told Akio and tried to shut the door. He did, of course, catch it.

"Listen up, punk!" he growled. I gave him a glare of venom. "If you so much as make her cry, I'll murder you!"

"Quit acting like she's your daughter!" I snapped, and slammed the door. I turned around and saw Ushio run behind a wall. I sighed and rubbed my temple. This would be a long day.

I walked over to the wall she was behind and stopped. She ran away. Whatever. I sighed again and went into my room, keeping my eyes off the other fouton. I lay down and coveres myself after hanging another, darker curtain. I went to sleep.

I woke up several hours later. For some reason, I felt like a pair of eyes was watching me. I kept mine shut. I opened them and shouted out, scrambling back. Ushio squeaked and huddled into a ball.

"W-What do you want?"I asked, getting annoyed.

"I want Aki!" she said. I hated to admit it, but Ushio was adorable. I caught her hairstyle. Huge bangs, shoulder length.

Nagisa.

I flinched, painful memories welling up. I looked away, beginning to get depressed. My own daughter didn't want me. Whatever.

"Aki's not here," I said, lying down again. "Go play with your toys or something."

"Aki!" she insisted.

I glowered. Did she not understand?

"I said-"

She stared at me. I stared back. We stayed this way for several seconds. I finally turned over.

"Go away," I mumbled. Ushio suddenly looked as downcast as I felt. I instantly regretted my words. She teared up.

"H-Hey! Don't cry! Please, for the love of God, don't cry!" I stammered. She heaved. Oh God, help me! What do I do? I spotted a Dango plushie. Sharp and painful memories surged as I grabbed it and gave it to her.

She stopped crying as she hugged it close. It worked!

"Uh... uh..." I stammered. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm just depressed."

Ushio nodded and ran off, leaving me alone. What... just happened?


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks to all who continue to review and stick with me as I update my story.**

Chapter 7

It's been two years since that strange visit. I have not seen Ushio since. I have fallen deeper into my depression, even more so today.

It's the 24th of December, and the rain is coming hard. I didn't have an umbrella. Who cares? I walk home, not caring if I catch a cold. A car passed by, soaking me. I just stood there, water dripping into my eyes.

I now know what the spectre meant by ultimate hurt. The bottom of despair so great, it shreds your core, ripping at you, gnawing, chewing, tearing, until you are a bloody mess. Then, it leaves you to rot and waste away, surrounded by a pool of misery so terrible, it is a punishment just to live.

Nagisa dying, and me being forced to see her every time I look at Ushio, is my Ultimate Hurt.

I have reached the bottom.

I came to a cross in the road, and a memory stabbed me. I clutched my temple in agony.

We were on the roof of the school, eating lunch. It was forbidden, but we did not care. Nagisa was drawing a poster for the Drama Club. It was decorated in dangos. It was beautiful. She began to sing Dango Daikazoku.

I fell to my knees, my body racked with sobs. Nagisa, we never should have met.

A car stopped, and I looked up.

"Y-Yoshino?"

"Get in. You're gonna catch a cold!" he said. I complied.

"You should come back. Everybody at the company really misses you."

I stared at my hands. So what?

"Maybe later," I muttered.

"Okay. We really do miss you," he replied.

He turned his head when he stopped at a train crossing.

"We're here for you. It's like what Nagisa used to say."

I snapped.

"We're all one big Dango Family."

I jumped out of the car.

"I-I'm sorry, Yoshino! I... I..."

I ran as he called after me. His calls were drowned out by the rumbling of the train. I ran all the way home, not stopping for breath. When I got to my apartment, I slammed and locked the door, sliding do w n the wooden structure. I sunk to my knees and remained that way until a knock alerted me. I got up and opened the door. It was Tomoyo.

"What do you want?" I said. She smiled and I let her in.

"It's been a while. You don't visit amymore."

She walked to the kitchen. I followed.

"Ushio's gotten big!" she said. I was silent. I wanted to be alone.

"Go away," I said. Tomoyo ignored me.

"Everyone's so worried about you, Tomoya."

I looked away and Tomoyo sighed.

"I'll make you dinner."

I grunted and went to my bedroom. Typical of me. I always went with the flow. Memories came again. Why couldn't they leave me alone?!

Nagisa cooking me breakfast.

Nagisa cooking dinner when I came home from work.

Nagisa. Nagisa. Nagisa. Nagisa.

Always Nagisa! Always her!

Why did this happen to me?! WHY?!

I cried out and fell to my hands and knees. Tomoyo was there in an instant, supporting me.

Anniversary.

Birthday.

Christmas Eve.

This day I hated even more than any day of the year. I cried violently, grabbing onto Tomoyo for support. She held me, crying silently alongside me. I realized how pathetic I must seem. Five years, and I still wasn't able to move on.

But Nagisa was the only one for me.

Tomoyo gently rubbed my back, and I calmed down some. I straightened up, and looked away.

"S-Sorry about that," I said. "I must seem really pathetic."

Tomoyo shook her head.

"I know much you're hurting, especially today. You loved her more than anything. I completely understand your grief."

She wiped her eyes and got to her feet.

"I'll change the incense on the memorial. You rest."

I nodded. I was lucky to have Tomoyo as my friend. She left shortly afterwards. We both agreed that what had occurred between us would not be spoken of aloud.

Not long after Tomoyo's departure, another knock came from the door. I was beginning to get irritated. Could nobody allow me to honor her memory in peace? Tonight of all nights! I swung the door open.

"WHAT?!"

I stopped, eyes wide. There, on my doorstep, stood my father.


	8. Chapter 8: Lineage of Disaster

Chapter 8

The Lineage of Disaster

I stared in shock at the man before me. He was dressed in a grey suit and tie and carried an umbrella. I finally managed to speak over the cacophony of thunder.

"What are you doing here? Don't you realize what time it is?"

My father kept that same stupid smile plastered on his wizened face.

"I just came to see if you're alright. You've been so depressed lately," he said.

I glowered down at him. Who did he think he was?

"Leave!" I demanded. Of course, he ignored me.

"Aren't you going to invite me inside?" he asked. He had no intention of honouring my request. I growled and stepped aside. He entered and I unceremoniously shut the door. I followed him to the kitchen, where he set out a packet of instant coffee and two mugs.

"I'll make some coffee," he said. "It's rather cold, don't you think?" He smiled. I remained silent, still glowering darkly.

He emptied the packets into the mugs, followed by hot water. He sat, motioning for me to join him. I did so, albeit grudgingly, although i stared at the table.

"Now, the reason for my visit."

I continued to scowl at the table.

"It's been five years, Tomoya. Don't you think it's time to move on?"

I gasped and glared at him.

"Shut up!" I whispered in fury. Like always, he totally ignored me.

"Tomoya, you don't visit Ushio at all! She's growing up without a father!"

"Shut up!" I hissed, clenching my fists in my lap. I was seeing red. My father stood up.

"Tomoya, don't you see? You're making the same mistakes I did!" he shouted. I gasped, eyes widening in shock. I felt my heart skip a beat. I finally looked at my father. He was once again seated, looking at the table.

"How dare you?" I whispered. How dare he compare me to himself? He sighed deeply.

"Tomoya, don't you know how much suffering you're putting Ushio through? She's growing up without knowing her father, her own flesh and blood, -_you're _fleshand blood!"

He looked up and I started. Tears were in his eyes.

"Man up!"

I was surprised by the authority in his voice.

"You have no right to put your daughter through this! Just because Nagisa is gone does not mean you can shirk your responsibilities!"

"SHUT UP!" I roared, jumping out of my chair. "JUST SHUT UP!"

"I'm only telling you this because I don't want you going down the same path I did! By the time I realized how much pain I had caused you it was too late. You had grown up by yourself."

"Get out," I growled.

He suddenly dropped to his knees, bowing before me.

"Please, don't do this! Be a father for Ushio! I'm not asking this as a man, but as a father, myself!" he pleaded.

I stumbled back, disgusted.

"Stop! Just stop!" I shouted, clenching my head. "What kind of useless father lowers his head before his son?!"

My father picked himself up and sighed. He grabbed his jacket and umbrella and left the apartment. At the exit, he paused.

"Tomoya?" he said. I grunted a response.

"Ah, uh, it doesn't look like the rain will be letting up soon. Don't catch a cold," he said, and left. I slammed the door shut and went yo my room. I sat by the window and watched my father walk down the street as the rain created translucent shadows on the wall. I pounded the glass in rage.

"Is this some kind of a joke?!" I screamed. "Pretending to be a father all of a sudden?!"

I pounded the window again. I laughed maniacally, sobbing. I pounded the glass once more, and slid to the floor.

"Is this some kind of a joke?!" I screamed.

It wasn't very funny.


End file.
